i am a tummy sleeper and have multiple holes in my tummy that make it impossible to sleep on my tummy. i have not entered REM sleep in 22 years, 7 months, 22 days and i’m not even counting i just know.

Yeah she’s a classy lady. Well okay she’s classy. Well okay she’s a lady. Well okay she is:

I’ma shock you.

Creatures don’t need brains. I mean, we have ample human evidence. But like, nervous systems can create thought (or whatever it is animals do) and reaction to stimuli without a central processing organ.

i have become pastel

my dude i am lopsided as fuck, have seven buttholes and am gorgeous. beauty has nothing to do with the body it’s a personality thing. obviously mine is so egotistical i have to duck to walk through doorways but you catch my point? once you’re older than like, 25, if you’re kind you’re pretty (it shows up on the lines you get on your face. don’t worry about wrinkles. they’re good) and like, i dunno but everyone i think is cool thinks that way too.

it’ll be a crazy taxi simulator to the white house

Garfield was not made for man. Man was made for Garfield

Prisoners dilemma?

That’s right, dead tired of not going to Itchy and Scratchy Land

I used to go to church at this cult and people are weird. There was this kid there (he’s okay now but like, we all grow up a little twisted) who was always making jokes about putting peanut butter on his nethers and having his dog lick it off. One day someone must have reported the jokes and that was the last time (thank gods) we heard them, despite months of telling him that was fucked up.

You should probably maybe trim your beard into better shapes than the beanis.

Dude this isn’t war thunder. Keep it in your pants for at least fifteen minutes until you log in over there

why is my diary on the internet so publicly

My 14 year old self would just be impressed I am alive

subreddit

Bite me Christopher Robin (jk 🤟)

it’s the Slop Defender

maybe we should workshop that

edit sorry i can crop that