If you want a house, you have 100k in the bank and could put some of that down as a down payment. Idk where you live or what your housing market is like, but if you could find a smaller place for a reasonable price, you may pay less on a mortgage than on rent, and you’d be building equity.
When I bought my first house over a decade ago, I think it was under 100k, but wasn’t large. I don’t think I put anything down other than the earnest money. Because I wasn’t at 20% down, I did have to pay for PMI as part of my mortgage, but it was like $50 a month given the cost of our place. I’ve since moved and purchased two house since then, rolling the equity from the previous to the new one. My current mortgage payment is the first time I’m paying more monthly than when I was renting, but houses do have maintenance you have can’t offload on a landlord. I think it’s still significantly cheaper in the long run, but moreso the equity is the biggest upgrade.
For retirement, it’s definitely good to invest what you have saved, to a degree. You could talk to a financial planner to help you invest within your tolerance level. If you aren’t doing so already and it’s available through work, you should be maxing out your 401k match at the minimum. If you can spare it, it’s better to put more in you 401k than to keep it in savings thanks to compounding interest, and the taxes that aren’t taken. That annual max for 401k is I think more than 20k annually.
But with all of that, you need to live the life you want to, not the life that others are living. I love having a house and as long as I’m able to, I will never rent again, but I know people that don’t want the responsibility of home ownership, that have no desires to purchase. I don’t have kids because I don’t want them. My wife an I travel and do pretty much what we want when we want, within reason. Kids cost a lot and we have more money because of our choices, and are both very happy with our decision. Point being, you don’t have to live a “normal” life to have a fulfilling and successful life. If you are unsure on things like investing, find an expert to help out. If you want a house, you have the finances to do so. Don’t compare yourself to others in different situations as some barometer of success and adulthood.
You’ve got to pick a lane. Either follow the rules or don’t. You don’t get to do things differently than expectations on your whim and then get upset when held accountable. I agree with your charge that you took a bunch of breaks earlier and that is your 30. If you want to take a 30, don’t do the other stuff. If you can’t work in those bounds then maybe this isn’t the line of work for you.
I’m not saying your an asshole, but your expectations and those of your employer don’t align. The conditions you described don’t sound abusive, that’s just the world of working in a hospital. To me it sounds like you need a full career change ASAP, and if that means a pay cut, then you have to decide if your current situation is worse than making less. Anecdotally, I switched jobs and took a pay cut because that was better for me, but that might not be an option for you if funds are too tight.
If you do think that your being treated unfairly, then follow the rules to the letter to removed all doubt. If you’re not supposed to help on those other tasks, tell them no. I would say that working in your field does generally attract people that are willing to go the extra mile for patients, which can make you look worse comparitively, which is unfair, but life.